Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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