he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
