you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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