I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
