my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I lost the right to judge tonight
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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