Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
