you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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