I feel great
I just peed on a car
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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