put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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