So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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