We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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