Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
