They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
