A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I'm really busy with my period
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