Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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