Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
