I met the friendliest cop last night
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
