We're like a lot better than the average bears
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
