two words: eviction party
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
