no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
