Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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