Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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