Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize