So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
