He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Such a big mess for such a small penis
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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