How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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