she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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