You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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