Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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