Pants 0. Shit 1.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
