you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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