The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
