just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
