theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
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You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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