there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
