two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
