Fine. I'll sleep in my office
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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