we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
