now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
