I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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