therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
