wrigley field is MILF paradise
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
