just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
