Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
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I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?