just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.