You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
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What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
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Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.