your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
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Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
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I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.