you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
