I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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