Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize