The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
