Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
