if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
