My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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