I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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