I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
