he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
