Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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