I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
