No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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