Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I am available for nakedness
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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